It's Time for a Vacation!

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about vacations. Maybe it’s the cold, gloomy weather or the long stretch until spring arrives. Maybe it’s that I’m looking at my children growing up before my eyes and wondering how many more family trips we’ll manage before our oldest flies out of the nest. Possibly it’s the incredible Christmas gift given to me by my awesome husband, who sorted, edited, printed and placed into beautiful albums ten years of family photos, which included many pictures of fun family trips. Whatever the reason, vacation is on my brain. I’m longing for sand, palm trees and sunshine and time away from the hectic freeway that we call life in the Metzger household.

Vacations are something that I hold very dear. I grew up with a father who placed paramount importance on taking his family to different places to enjoy time together “away from it all”. While we did not have a great deal of money, somehow he always managed to make it happen for us. Our trips weren’t always glamorous, but they were definitely memorable. They usually involved a road trip, a cabin and lots of time spent playing games, swimming and exploring new places. I remember trips to places such as Hard Labor Creek, Georgia (my favorite, believe it or not!); Branson, Missouri; DisneyWorld; Cape Cod; Yellowstone National Park; and many places up and down the East Coast (during the 3 years we lived in Connecticut). We saw historical monuments, beautiful scenery and man-made theme parks. Often we went with dear friends; sometimes it was just the four of us. The one thing that these trips all had in common was this: uninterrupted togetherness. We played together, laughed together, ate together and explored together. These times are some of my most treasured memories of my childhood and the end result of these trips (whether to places near or far) was a family closeness that I now know was far from ordinary.

When my husband and I first started a family, one of the things we agreed upon early on was that we wanted to make vacations a priority. It was worth sacrificing other things to make sure that we made these family times happen and happen as often as possible. We’ve taken our children to places such as California, Florida, Arizona, and even Hawaii (which definitely required the saving of our pennies!) and once or twice even “vacationed at home” when money was tight. It thrills my heart to hear my children relate stories of our various trips, usually predicated by “Remember when…?” While sitting at lunch with my kids the other day, we began the game of “remember when?” They reminisced about trips to Legoland and Disneyland, climbing rocks in Arches National Park, sunny afternoons on the beaches of Kauai, and even the not-so-wonderful-but-definitely-memorable trip to California that ended up with Noah in the hospital with a severe asthma attack. They laughed and told story after story and I felt my heart swell with mixed emotions. It brought me so much joy to hear their special memories and so much sadness to feel the end of such times drawing near. I made sure to impart the hope that they would continue such traditions with their own children someday.

What makes these times so special? Is it the location, or the lodging, or even the amount of money spent? I don’t think so. While we’ve been blessed to take some pretty nice trips with our kids, I know that what really counts here is the uninterrupted family time. It is so wonderful to be away from the ringing telephone, the demanding schedules and the constant distraction from what is important. To have an entire block of time where your only commitment is to spend time enjoying each other is a slice of heaven (well, most of the time anyway!). Conversations are held that might not happen at home. Silliness and laughter occur and siblings discover the joy of playing with each other and with Mom and Dad. Kids are given undivided attention and love, which they all crave so desperately. Dad is able to disconnect from work worries and just play. Mom can leave behind the mountains of laundry and household tasks that demand her attention at home. In our overscheduled and hectic lives, family vacations may not be a luxury, but a necessity. It seems we’ve forgotten how to enjoy each other. My son recently overheard a conversation in a store where one woman said to another, “How can you stand to take a vacation with your family every year? That would be terrible!” The other woman replied, “Yeah, it’s really hard, but we live through it.” How sad is it that we view family vacation as something to “live through” instead of enjoy?

In our house, vacations are long-anticipated and oft-remembered. I pray that when my children are grown and have families of their own that they will make family vacations a priority, too. The benefits of this time together will far outweigh the sacrifices necessary to make a vacation possible. It isn’t about money…it’s about time. So now, please excuse me…I think I’ll go work on planning our next vacation.

The Gift of Praise

When was the last time your child gave you a gift? Was it Mother’s Day, your birthday or just a day that he colored you a picture and gave it to you “just because”? Did you love that gift because it was expensive, or because it was exactly what you wanted, or just because he gave it to you to show you his love? Sometimes the best gifts our children give us are “best” because of the love expressed, not because of their monetary value or intrinsic usefulness. One of the best gifts my oldest daughter ever gave me was for Mother’s Day last year. She bought a bright pink basket with a lid, and filled that basket with notes full of love and encouragement. The notes expressed her love for me and her appreciation of the sacrifices I have made in order to homeschool her. She may not know this, but I turn to that precious basket often…on days when I need to feel valued, on days that are frustrating or discouraging, and on days that I just need to know that I am loved and appreciated. It is water when my soul is thirsting and comfort when my heart is weary.

We all need praise. Marriages die for lack of praise. Children wither for lack of praise. Even our Father in heaven desires praise from His children. When was the last time you gave your children the gift of your praise? Sometimes we mothers can be so diligent about correcting our children’s faults and misbehaviors, and yet fail to offer them praise when they do something right. How many times has your child brought you a beautiful picture that they colored especially for you and instead of noticing the vibrant colors and creative drawing, you instead bemoan the marker all over their hands or new white T-shirt? Have you ever seen that little face fall as they receive your criticism instead of your sought-after praise? How about the child who “helps” you by attempting to fix breakfast or “clean” something and instead of receiving your gratitude, she receives a heartfelt sigh at the mess left in the kitchen or bathroom? Sometimes their little hearts work ahead of their abilities, leaving chaos in their wake instead of true helpfulness, yet don’t they still deserve our appreciation for their efforts?

After all, think about the messes we bring to God, longing for His approval. “But I meant well,” we say beseechingly, and He receives us lovingly, in spite of the damage we have wrought. The few paltry gifts we bring to the Ruler of the Universe pale in comparison to what He has done for us, yet He delights in us and in the gift of our praise. No matter what we have done, or haven’t done, for that matter, He welcomes us, taking us in His loving arms and giving us more than we could ever deserve. I love the picture painted in Zephaniah 3:17: “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Picture a father, swinging his child up into his arms, throwing back his head in laughter as he delights in this little child of his heart. Picture a mother, rocking her child in her arms, singing softly as she soothes this child whom she adores. This is how God feels about you and me…wow. If the God of the Universe can feel this way about me, then surely I can demonstrate some of this powerful love and praise to my children, even when they’ve left a mess in the bathroom or spilled their juice for the tenth time on my freshly mopped floor. Humbling, isn’t it?

So, how about giving your children the gift of your praise today? Instead of watching their little faces fall, watch them light up in delight as your loving words soothe their hurts and fill their hearts with joy. And then sit down together and praise your Heavenly Father, who delights in both of you.

The Aspirin Age

Last weekend, I took my son on a date. While my husband escorted our daughters to the annual “Butterfly Kisses” Dance, Noah and I went to play indoor “glow golf” and feast on hamburgers at a new eating place we had discovered. The golf place was not crowded, so we were taking our time, enjoying our time together and chatting as we played. Pretty soon, another mom and son (whose father was also at the dance with his daughters) came along behind us and quickly caught up to us. We invited them to play through, as they seemed to be in a hurry and we did not wish to be rushed. The mom apologetically said to me, “Sorry, we don’t do anything slowly.” After a few more holes of golf, another family (this time a dad and kids) caught up to us and again, we stepped aside to let them go ahead of us. As soon as one of their party finished the hole, he or she would rush off to the next hole, leaving behind the rest of the family. They rushed from hole to hole in a frenzied race to complete the course. In the time it took my son and me to play the first 27 holes of mini-golf, the other families had finished all 54 holes and left the building. Noah looked at me and said, “We aren’t that slow, are we?”

We talked about how everyone seemed to be in such a hurry. The families who had come to play, ostensibly to spend time together, were rushing to finish without taking time to watch each other golf or to have a conversation. Noah and I were taking our time, but we weren’t dawdling…how could these other families have finished so much faster than we did? And why were they all in such a rush?

This morning in church, our minister talked about how we are living in what some have called “the Aspirin Age”. We are living in a time of tremendous pressures and anxieties, with stress brought on by economic difficulties, strained family relationships and over-packed schedules. He mentioned that the times of walking slowly by babbling brooks or living unhurried, peaceful lives are long gone. We’ve replaced these tranquil times with frenzied activity, rushing from one event to the next. We’ve forgotten how to relax, how to have a Sabbath, and how to spend unhurried time together as families.

Noah and I were saddened by what we saw that afternoon. It felt like watching the world rush by in fast-forward motion while we were playing at regular speed. I think it was eye-opening to both of us as we contemplated what was really important—that for just a couple of hours, we were slowing down and enjoying our time together as mother and son while the world marched on without us. Everything else could wait; for now, nothing was more important than spending time with my boy, who will all too soon be a man with little time for or interest in playing mini-golf with his mother. I refuse to miss out on these precious moments because the world says there are more important things to do…and I hope that my son will look back someday and cherish that afternoon spent slowly playing fifty-four holes of mini-golf.

Take Time to Enjoy Them

I am writing this blog while on vacation in sunny Southern California with my family. We are enjoying about ten days of relaxation together as we get away from “real life” and spend some time playing together. Yesterday, we enjoyed a day together at Legoland, riding the rides and viewing the amazing Lego creations located throughout the park. While partaking in one of my favorite hobbies, people-watching, I was saddened to see how few people seemed to be enjoying themselves. I watched as harried mothers spoke sharply and unkindly to whining children. I saw disengaged fathers talking on Blackberries and ignoring repeated questions from their frustrated children, who got louder with each repetition of their unanswered question. I saw children begging for their parents to buy them something, and parents giving in just to make the demands cease. I saw brothers and sisters treating each other rudely, pushing and shoving and calling each other ugly names. Here we were, in a magical place, and people were so intent on hitting the next ride or buying the next toy that they weren’t even having any fun.

In contrast, we were having a great time. The weather was beautiful, sunny and warm. The park was uncrowded, since it was a school day (one of the benefits of homeschooling—you can vacation when nobody else does!). Our kids were excited to return to a place they had been previously and enjoyed a great deal. We weren’t on a schedule, and didn’t have any deadlines. My husband was NOT talking on his Blackberry and we felt free from all outside worries and responsibilities. The kids were having fun together, planning which attractions to ride, and which to skip. We felt unhurried and relaxed, just enjoying a day together as a family. At one point, as we were watching the kids ride something together, Alan turned to me and said, “You know, the next time Molly (our oldest) comes here, it could be with her own children.” The thought brought a pain to my heart as I realized how few family vacations we really have left with all five of us. It made me all the more determined to make the most of this trip, and to treasure these moments in my heart’s memory.

Life is so busy, and moves so fast. Sometimes we seem to forget that we really do only have our children for a season, not forever. In the midst of diapers and late-night feedings, it can seem endless. In the whirl of activities when they are older, it seems to slip through our fingertips like a wisp of smoke, gone before we can grasp it. I think Satan’s greatest tool to ruin us as parents is busyness. He distracts us with so much activity (even good ones) that we don’t realize how much time is slipping away from us. All of those important things we need to teach our children, or say to our children, or show our children are forgotten in the daily rush to get to the next soccer game. If he can just keep us busy enough so that we don’t focus on what really matters, he will win our children. And we make it so easy for him…

I challenge you today to look at your family life. When was the last time you just had some fun with your kids? When was the last time you gave your child your full attention as he told you about something that really matters to him? When was the last time you had a night of relaxing together, or playing a board game, or reading a book out loud instead of rushing off to sports or dance or a church activity? Look at your schedule and see if perhaps you need to make some changes. If you feel worn out, frazzled and unhappy, maybe there’s a reason. Make a pledge to take back your schedule and refuse to let the world dictate how you spend your time. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses—prayerfully consider what activities God wants your family to be involved in. Don’t fall for Satan’s lie that you are a bad mother if you don’t give your children all the opportunities that “everyone else” has. I remember facing a lot of criticism from others when my children were little because I refused to put them in preschool. I felt that it was more important for them to be home with me in those few years before they started school (we hadn't yet decided to homeschool them). I can assure you that my children bore no ill effects from the lack of preschool in their lives…in fact, they all learned to read before kindergarten.

Remember, God gave us these children to teach and train, but also to enjoy…are you enjoying yours or just rushing them from one activity to the next? All too soon, they will be grown and will lead busy lives of their own. Make sure you don’t miss out on this very precious time…and now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go have some fun with my kids out in the California sunshine.