What Are You Feeding Your "Teenager"?

I see a lot of articles in the newspaper these days about teenagers and their diet. There are articles decrying their lack of nutrition, citing fast food lunches and hurried dinners and numerous sugary soft drinks consumed during the day. There are articles about childhood obesity, as well as those about eating disorders. While these are very important issues facing American adolescents today, there is another issue that I feel is even more critical. We may be failing our teens in what we are feeding them physically, but I have to wonder, what are feeding them spiritually?

When I enter a bookstore or library and browse the Teen/Young Adult section, I see one predominant theme…darkness. I see books about vampires, werewolves and other creatures of the night. I see books about teen sexuality and suicide. When I open the newspaper and see the movies that are being marketed to our adolescents, I see more of the same. When visiting the videogame section, I see titles full of violence and sex, marketed as fun and games. If I dare to turn on the television during prime time (which I rarely do!), there are TV shows full of teens in immoral relationships, drinking and making foolish choices. And we wonder why the teen pregnancy rate is so high, or why so many teens commit suicide each year, or why so many are killed in drunk driving accidents.

Did you know that the word teenager has only truly been in use since just after World War II? Before that time, there were two classes of people—adults, and children. You were either one or the other. When you were no longer a child, you were an adult (a young one, no doubt, but still an adult). When you were a child, you were being trained to be one thing…an adult, capable of providing for a family or running a home. There was no such thing as the long years of adolescence (which social scientists now say are sometimes lasting even into the 30’s), where you weren’t expected to be productive or make wise choices. Young people did not spend hours playing violent games or reading material containing dark and ungodly images. Instead, they worked, studied and were taught by their parents how to become adults. Of course, they had fun, too, but fun was not their primary reason for living.

In our house, we try to raise young adults, and not teenagers. While many look on us as odd, or overprotective, you will not find the latest vampire books being consumed in our house, nor will we be attending the latest teen culture movies. We also try to avoid treating our children as “teenagers”. Our oldest child, our sixteen-year old daughter, refers to herself as a young adult. She has a job, works hard at her studies, and plans for her future…as an adult. She helps me around the house and chooses carefully what reading material and movies she places in her mind. We try to give her a steady diet of Christian worldview, godly influence (by godly people, mostly adults) and to teach her what she needs to know to be an adult who can have great influence for Christ.

What are you feeding the children in your house? Are you carefully choosing what goes into their hearts and their minds? Are you giving them deep spiritual truths to sustain them as they become adults? Are you growing young adults…or just teenagers?

It's Time for a Vacation!

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about vacations. Maybe it’s the cold, gloomy weather or the long stretch until spring arrives. Maybe it’s that I’m looking at my children growing up before my eyes and wondering how many more family trips we’ll manage before our oldest flies out of the nest. Possibly it’s the incredible Christmas gift given to me by my awesome husband, who sorted, edited, printed and placed into beautiful albums ten years of family photos, which included many pictures of fun family trips. Whatever the reason, vacation is on my brain. I’m longing for sand, palm trees and sunshine and time away from the hectic freeway that we call life in the Metzger household.

Vacations are something that I hold very dear. I grew up with a father who placed paramount importance on taking his family to different places to enjoy time together “away from it all”. While we did not have a great deal of money, somehow he always managed to make it happen for us. Our trips weren’t always glamorous, but they were definitely memorable. They usually involved a road trip, a cabin and lots of time spent playing games, swimming and exploring new places. I remember trips to places such as Hard Labor Creek, Georgia (my favorite, believe it or not!); Branson, Missouri; DisneyWorld; Cape Cod; Yellowstone National Park; and many places up and down the East Coast (during the 3 years we lived in Connecticut). We saw historical monuments, beautiful scenery and man-made theme parks. Often we went with dear friends; sometimes it was just the four of us. The one thing that these trips all had in common was this: uninterrupted togetherness. We played together, laughed together, ate together and explored together. These times are some of my most treasured memories of my childhood and the end result of these trips (whether to places near or far) was a family closeness that I now know was far from ordinary.

When my husband and I first started a family, one of the things we agreed upon early on was that we wanted to make vacations a priority. It was worth sacrificing other things to make sure that we made these family times happen and happen as often as possible. We’ve taken our children to places such as California, Florida, Arizona, and even Hawaii (which definitely required the saving of our pennies!) and once or twice even “vacationed at home” when money was tight. It thrills my heart to hear my children relate stories of our various trips, usually predicated by “Remember when…?” While sitting at lunch with my kids the other day, we began the game of “remember when?” They reminisced about trips to Legoland and Disneyland, climbing rocks in Arches National Park, sunny afternoons on the beaches of Kauai, and even the not-so-wonderful-but-definitely-memorable trip to California that ended up with Noah in the hospital with a severe asthma attack. They laughed and told story after story and I felt my heart swell with mixed emotions. It brought me so much joy to hear their special memories and so much sadness to feel the end of such times drawing near. I made sure to impart the hope that they would continue such traditions with their own children someday.

What makes these times so special? Is it the location, or the lodging, or even the amount of money spent? I don’t think so. While we’ve been blessed to take some pretty nice trips with our kids, I know that what really counts here is the uninterrupted family time. It is so wonderful to be away from the ringing telephone, the demanding schedules and the constant distraction from what is important. To have an entire block of time where your only commitment is to spend time enjoying each other is a slice of heaven (well, most of the time anyway!). Conversations are held that might not happen at home. Silliness and laughter occur and siblings discover the joy of playing with each other and with Mom and Dad. Kids are given undivided attention and love, which they all crave so desperately. Dad is able to disconnect from work worries and just play. Mom can leave behind the mountains of laundry and household tasks that demand her attention at home. In our overscheduled and hectic lives, family vacations may not be a luxury, but a necessity. It seems we’ve forgotten how to enjoy each other. My son recently overheard a conversation in a store where one woman said to another, “How can you stand to take a vacation with your family every year? That would be terrible!” The other woman replied, “Yeah, it’s really hard, but we live through it.” How sad is it that we view family vacation as something to “live through” instead of enjoy?

In our house, vacations are long-anticipated and oft-remembered. I pray that when my children are grown and have families of their own that they will make family vacations a priority, too. The benefits of this time together will far outweigh the sacrifices necessary to make a vacation possible. It isn’t about money…it’s about time. So now, please excuse me…I think I’ll go work on planning our next vacation.

Simple, But Profound

I am not big on New Year’s Resolutions. There have been many years that I have vowed to lose weight, exercise more, or get up earlier, and by the end of January, I have already failed at those resolutions. This year, however, I have one resolution that I feel that God has given me to work on. It’s simple, but profound. A few months ago, I was struck by a verse in I Thessalonians 5:20-21: “Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.” As I pondered this verse, I thought about what that meant in my everyday life. It means I should carefully think about everything that I do, and everything that I choose to bring into my home to see if it meets God’s standards. If it does, then I should hold on tightly. If it doesn’t, I should flee from that thing. So what is my simple but profound resolution? It can be summed up in one word: THINK.

I have lately been convicted that what ails us most as Christians and as Christian families is that we fail to think…we just aimlessly follow whatever the world throws at us and never pause to consider the impact those choices might have on our families or on others around us. The latest movie craze? We’re there, buying tickets with everyone else, no matter what the topic. After all, the effects are great, the stars are unbelievable and everybody else is watching, so why not? The hottest books? We’re pre-ordering with the best of them, anxiously awaiting a story to draw us in and help us to escape the real world for a few hours. The latest fashions? We let our daughters wear them without concern for how the boys are viewing them and treating them as a result. In fact, maybe we’re even wearing them ourselves, whether or not they are modest…after all, they make us look good, right? How about the latest video game? Okay, so it’s rated “T” or “M” for violence and gore, but it’s not real, right? It won’t hurt that little boy who is watching over your shoulder, will it?

I recently had someone ask me in deep anguish over a hurt inflicted by the choices of other Christians, “Are Christians just lemmings who don’t think things through?” This echoed in my brain and my heart over the next few days as I wrestled with her question. I desperately don’t want this to be true in my own life. I want to grab hold of that verse in I Thessalonians and be able to say that I used wisdom and discernment instead of blindly following the world over the cliff of destruction. Even more, I want to know that I made wise choices where my children are concerned, and that I didn’t lead THEM into a life of sin and bad choices. So my goal for this next year is this: I want to think carefully about what we choose to participate in, whether it is movies or books or video games, how we dress or how we talk or even how we treat other people. I don’t want to just “follow the crowd” but instead I want to follow my Lord. I want to listen carefully to his voice and choose the paths that will lead my children to purity and peace.

Over the last few years, God has slowly brought us to a place where we have realized that some of our choices needed to change. We no longer watch many movies that we would have watched a few years ago. We have cleaned books out of our bookshelves, realizing that they are inappropriate reading material for Christians and a bad example for our children. We guard our family time much more carefully and are very purposeful about spiritually training our children. We watch little to no television in our house and refuse to have cable because of the vast amount of ungodly and inappropriate matter offered up for viewing even to young children. We have tried to replace worldly movies and shows with more wholesome viewing matter, especially movies that have a message that we can discuss with our children. We have tried to discuss worldview a great deal with our children, so they are aware that everything they read or watch has a worldview and an influence on their thinking. We use the newspaper to help them recognize hidden agendas and worldviews that are opposed to a biblical worldview.

Have we arrived? Unfortunately, no…we have a long way to go. I’m certain God has only begun to make us aware of the things we need to change. But the more we ask for His wisdom and discernment, the more He provides and the more our eyes are opened. It isn’t easy, by any means, for our family’s choices have sometimes made us unpopular or misunderstood and have even been viewed as judgmental. It’s sometimes hard to give up books or movies that I previously loved, and to admit that maybe I was deceived. It’s difficult to look back and feel ashamed of choices that I made, knowing that they may have had an impact on my children, or on others around me. But when we humbly repent and ask God to change us, He does. And the fruit of an undivided heart is beautiful indeed.

I don’t write this blog to condemn anyone reading it or to point fingers at anyone and make them feel guilty. My only intent is to share what God has placed on my heart this year and to hope to inspire you to join with me in my new resolve: to THINK before I accept anything into my heart or my home. Is it something that is wholesome and good? Then let’s grab hold with both hands and never let go. Is it harmful, or even just questionable? Then let’s turn our backs and refuse to take part. Just imagine the impact we could have on our children, our homes and our world if we just took this seriously…it’s simple, but profound.

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” I Thessalonians 5:23

“To live as though we had all the same values as the world would betray [Jesus]” –John Piper

Worldview Everywhere

The following blog was written by my ten-year-old daughter, Lexi...

Recently, I was watching a movie called, “Barbie and the Three Musketeers.” It’s all about how these four girls want to be musketeers. Everyone doubts they can do it. They believe they can because they think females have just as much power as males. However, the Bible says that men should be the head of the household. In the movie, there’s a plot to kill the prince. In the end, they’re out on the roof battling. The prince has no weapons when being attacked. Just then, the girl comes out and finishes off the bad guy. She defends the prince, who is just standing there, completely defenseless.

Many girls out there are watching this movie thinking they can dominate. SO many girls grow up and get married, still thinking they can take control. This could lead to a relationship when both husband and wife are controlling. I’m afraid to say that there is worldview everywhere. These movies are meant for younger girls. Most of these young girls are quite impressionable. I’m not saying all movies are bad, I’m just saying be careful. There can be worldview anywhere, even where you least expect it.

Just Like Mary

Yesterday, I watched my son undergo a procedure to biopsy his esophagus, stomach and upper intestines. Noah has been suffering for months from various physical ailments including gastrointestinal problems, headaches, insomnia, pain and a failure to gain weight. In the past week, he has endured three doctor visits, allergy testing, a biopsy and a great deal of pain and suffering. As I have walked through this with my son, my heart has suffered right along with him. As I stood beside his hospital bed and held his hand and talked him through an IV (he is NOT fond of needles!), my heart broke for him. I wanted to pull him out of that bed and beg them to take me instead. The pain in his eyes as he bravely endured all they put him through was almost more than I could bear. To hear him politely thank the people who were causing him pain made my heart swell with pride in him. To see his body lying unmoving on that bed after the procedure was over terrified me. I reached down and stroked his head and kissed his cheek, but he didn’t even stir. I looked up at the nurse in panic, and she calmly said, “He’s fine, just sleepy.” I wanted to say, “But are you SURE?” His beautiful dark lashes didn’t even flutter and he looked so very young and pale against his pillow. I wanted to gather him in my arms and hold him, even though he has long been too big for that.

As I watched him go through this experience that I longed to spare him from, I thought of another mother destined to watch her son suffer. I pictured this young woman, giving birth to a very special baby, in the very worst of circumstances. I imagined her wishing she was bringing him into the world with her mother’s assistance, in a clean and private room with everything she needed close by. I thought of her rocking him gently, holding him close and whispering of the future she envisioned for him. I wondered, “Did she know what was in store for her very special son?” Obviously, she knew that he was destined for big things…being the Son of God would seem to guarantee that. But did she know the pain and suffering that would be his? I think God must have spared her from knowing too much too soon. If not, how could she ever have survived? How could she have felt joy in his birth or in his growing up years? I believe God must have been merciful to her and not revealed all that her son would experience.

I imagined this same mother, thirty-three years later, watching her darling baby boy be mocked and reviled and then hung on a cross to die a horrible death. Her heart must have broken in two as she witnessed his unspeakable suffering. Surely she longed to take his place, to spare him from his pain. I’m certain her mother’s heart cried out to the God she loved, asking Him to take this anguish from her beloved son, to save him from this terrible fate. My heart aches for her, as I imagine her watching the son she cherished breathe his last breath. How did she ever endure such a thing?

There is one thing I know for certain--she could only have endured it by trusting in the Father who gave him to her in the first place. Even though she couldn’t possibly understand what God was doing, she believed. She believed that He loved her, and that He loved their son. She believed that He had a plan, and that it was good and right and just. How tenaciously she must have clung to that belief as she watched the drops of blood and sweat pour from the one she loved with all of her being. How doggedly she must have grasped that belief with all of her might while her son lay in his grave. How she must have rejoiced when she saw him again, and came to understand that God’s plan was indeed good and right and just.

All of this flashed through my mind yesterday as I stood beside the hospital bed of my sleeping son. Although I do not know why my son must suffer, I too, must believe that God has a plan for him. I must believe that the God who made him loves him even more than I do, and that He knows what is best and will bring good out of his suffering. He alone knows what Noah’s future holds and I must release him into the hands of Him who determines that future. While I will never be able to watch my beloved son suffer without my heart breaking, the best gift I can give him is to cling tenaciously to what I know to be right and true, and to teach him to do the same…just like Mary.

The Passing of the Torch

Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions for me. There was much joy as we celebrated Thanksgiving with my parents and some friends, giving thanks for all that God has done for us. We laughed and feasted, shared what we were thankful for, and watched the children play games and have fun together. Underlying the joy, however, was a bit of sadness as well. As I pulled out my grandmother’s china, an ache filled my heart. I remembered the many, many holidays celebrated at her house in Tulsa, eating off these same beautiful plates. I remembered her sweet, servant hands cooking and serving an amazing meal and making it look so easy. I remembered our special relationship and how very much she meant to me, and I missed her deeply.

It was also the first time I was in charge of the turkey. After almost twenty-one years of marriage, believe it or not, I had never really cooked the turkey. We were always either at one of our grandparents’ or parents’ houses, or visiting a sibling out of state. Even the very few years we were at our own house, my mom and dad usually handled the turkey. Yesterday morning, as I wrestled a stubborn and slippery 17-lb. turkey and thought, “I sure hope this turns out!”, I felt as if a torch had been passed. As I picked up the phone (several times!) to call my mother for advice, the thought occurred to me, “How will I do this without her advice when she is gone?” Again, my heart ached. As my mom and I discussed this, I learned that she, too, was feeling these things. She confessed that she felt the same way when my grandmother died. She had become accustomed to having her sweet mother-in-law on the other end of the phone, lovingly dispensing advice for these big occasions, and she missed her.

Then, as my oldest daughter joined me in the kitchen as I cooked up the Thanksgiving feast, she sadly said, “I only have two more Thanksgivings at home after this one.” My mind flashed ahead and I pictured being at home, alone, cooking the Thanksgiving meal and waiting for my children to arrive. I imagined being the one who was supposed to have all the answers, without my mother to turn to for advice. I imagined Molly cooking her own Thanksgiving feast and calling me on the phone to find out how to cook the turkey. All of a sudden, I could see the swift progression of time and the continual passing of the torch from one generation to the next.

In our Thanksgiving devotional, my husband shared about our goal of teaching our children to love and serve God, and then teaching them to teach their children. In this quiet way, we can profoundly impact our world. It is a passing of the baton of faith, from one generation to the next. We are deeply convicted that we must have a multi-generational vision of training up our families. We must be praying, not only for our children, but for our future grandchildren and great-grandchildren . In the same way that my mother learned to cook a Thanksgiving feast from her mother and mother-in-law, and then taught me to do the same, we must be passing on the tenets of our faith to our children, and instilling in them the desire to do the same with their own children.

As I looked around at the faces of my family at our Thanksgiving table, I breathed a silent prayer. I prayed for many more years of enjoying my mother’s teaching and to savor every moment of time that God has given me with her, learning from a woman who is the embodiment of a gentle and quiet spirit. I prayed for my children, that they would grow up to love and serve their Heavenly Father and raise their children to do the same. I prayed for my husband, and thanked God for his spiritual leadership. And, lastly, I thanked my Lord for so graciously giving me these precious souls to cherish and asked that He help me to be ready to face this coming passing of the torch.

When Firsts Become Lasts

Being a mother entails being the keeper of many “firsts”. Ask any young mother when their baby got their first tooth, and you will likely get a rapid response. On the contrary, ask a father, and he will likely answer, “The baby has a tooth?” For some reason, God has made mothers the keepers of such memories. We notice every first our children accomplish, from their first steps to the time they read those first few words from a book. Many of us faithfully record these instances in baby books and scrapbooks, preserving the memories for the future (at least until we have more than two children…then our scrapbooking efforts often get a little sketchy!).

I’ve noticed, however, that the “lasts” tend to pass by unnoticed. One day, we realize that no one has asked us to tie a shoe for them. No one has asked us to read a bedtime story or dress a doll for them or place a Band-Aid on a wound. In what seems like the blink of an eye, we’ve gone from providing for every need to occasionally assisting. And, in the hustle and scurry of everyday life with children, those “lasts” have slipped by without us recognizing them. I have to confess, this makes my heart sad until I remember that this is God’s design: we are given a tiny little being to mold and shape and love and nurture into an independent, God-fearing adult. If we have done our job well, we will reap a harvest of blessings in watching our children serve and love the Lord as independent adults.

I am starting to feel like I am entering that season of lasts. My oldest daughter is a sophomore. She is driving, has a job and is starting to think about college. We are working on a high school transcript, figuring out when to take the PSAT and SAT, and beginning to talk about college and future plans. While I share her excitement as she figures out where God is leading her, my mother’s heart also aches at the coming changes. Today, I am helping her get ready for her first formal dance, a Civil War Ball that she is attending with her father. As I hem up her hoop skirt and help her choose a hairstyle and paint her nails, I wonder…is this the last time she will ask for my help in such matters? As I watch her learn to be more and more independent, my emotions are a jumble. I am thrilled with her maturity and her growing wisdom. I love that she is so capable…she can clean, cook, sew, take care of children and she loves God more than anything. Yet at the same time, I see that serious little brown-eyed girl who followed me around with endless questions and I miss her. We’ve already passed so many “lasts”…how many of them did I even notice?

So, if you are a young mother, overwhelmed by the daily tasks of bathing, diapering and feeding your young, please listen. While the days seem long now, I promise you the years will fly by at an unbelievable pace. After years of “firsts”, you will suddenly find yourself grieving the “lasts”. Take the time to enjoy them…enjoy the funny things they do that make you laugh. Treasure every time they crawl up into your lap with a book for you to read. Soak in every moment of quiet conversation at their bedside as they ask you the questions of their hearts. Listen to just one more question when you are weary to the bone. Give an extra hug or a kiss and store up those precious moments in your heart. For all those “firsts” will all too soon turn into “lasts”.

The days they crawl, the years they fly
As one by one, they pass me by.
Some days are years, but years are days
As they grow up beneath my gaze.

Just yesterday they were so small
How can it be they’re now so tall?
They used to cuddle on my knee,
And now it is their eyes I see.

Sometimes I worry, fret and pray,
I wonder what to do and say.
The days with them are precious few,
The years with them are precious, too.

Will they be ready on that day
When far from me, they fly away?
Will I have trained them, taught and shown
Enough to help them when they’re grown?

It matters not what they become
As long as they don’t wander from
The One who made them, and loves them best
Who gives them love, joy, peace and rest.

If they grow up to serve him well
As only time and God can tell
I’ll know that I have finished strong
The job that seemed so short, so long.

--Wendy Metzger