Welcome to my musings...

After a 3 year hiatus from blogging (too busy parenting teens to have time to write about it!), I have decided to revive my blog. I look forward to sharing my perspective on mothering as I am at the tail end of my child-raising journey. Nothing could be more beautiful, more full of joy and pain and anguish, than the divine calling of motherhood. I pray my musings will bless you on your own journey, and that you will feel encouraged and equipped!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Gift of Motherhood

When my husband and I first married, we dreamed about what our family would look like someday. We’d talk of little girls to dress in pink, and boys to dress in blue. We agreed that two would be nice, a boy and a girl, or just maybe three…we’d have to see. We decided that in three to five years we’d be ready to start this family that we dreamed of…of course, I meant three years and my husband meant five. When three years rolled around, I decided I was ready to take this next step in our lives and start a family. I talked to my husband and was surprised to find out that he had really meant five years…I couldn’t believe he wasn’t as ready as I was to begin this new journey. So we waited, and we prayed, and we discussed what having a baby would mean to us. And then, one day, while we were on a vacation touring the East Coast, he gave me a card and said…”I’m ready”. My heart was overjoyed, and I immediately began making plans. I couldn’t wait until the day that we found out our wish had come true.

So we waited, and we prayed, and we discussed all the ins and outs of adding a baby to our family. And then we waited some more. And some more. And some more. Suddenly, this dream of having a family seemed a little farther out of reach. I began to cry, every month, when our dream didn’t happen. And I began to resent the hurtful questions thrown at me every time we went to church. “When are you guys going to start a family?” “Hey, you’re getting behind…your brother already has two…Don’t you want to have a baby?” As I pretended to not care, my heart was breaking. My whole life I had dreamed of being a mother. I decided not to go to medical school because I wanted to be a mom. Suddenly, I began to wonder, “Who will I be if I can’t be a mother? It’s all I want…I don’t dream anymore of a big career. I just want a baby to love and raise.” The months went by and nothing happened. Finally, the doctor I was seeing agreed to help us (their policy was you had to wait a whole year before they would intervene). After several more months of treatment, and several more negative pregnancy tests that absolutely broke my heart, and after switching to a much more compassionate doctor, we received the news that, at long last, we were expecting.

The joy that filled my heart was indescribable. I walked around in a daze for several weeks, in absolute disbelief that God had answered our prayers. I remember thanking God over and over again, delighted that we would finally have our family. As the months passed and my belly grew, I laughed in delight at the miracle inside me. And when that amazing day finally came, and my sweet little daughter was placed in my arms, I was absolutely overcome with gratitude toward the God who had allowed me to become a mother. I knew without a doubt, this was the best gift in the world, and I was ready to give everything I had to protect and cherish this tiny little girl named Molly.

I didn’t know if we would ever be able to have another child, but God was gracious to us. Almost four years later, He blessed us with a son, and two years after that, He blessed us again with another daughter. I look at my precious children and I am so thankful. I can’t imagine my life without any of them. Our children are a priceless gift from the Lord and we are humbled that He chose us to raise them.

When I look around at our society, and I see babies discarded as unwanted trash, and children being treated with harshness and impatience by their mothers, my heart grieves. I believe that God views children as a blessing, and we often receive them as a curse. He intended for us to love and cherish these precious little ones, and to honor the role of motherhood. Instead, our society has deceived us into believing that we should value careers and money and possessions over the noble calling of motherhood. We’ve devalued something that God says is beautiful, and elevated worthless things in its place. What a shame…I wonder sometimes what blessings we’ve missed out on because of these choices.

So, this Mother’s Day, I will hold my head high and be proud of the role I have chosen. I will look at my most precious gifts (named Molly, Noah and Lexi), and I will thank my Heavenly Father from the bottom of my heart for the incredible privilege of being their mom. I will also thank Him for the lovely lady that I call “Mom”, and for all that she has taught me about being a godly mother who delights in her children. And I will do my very best to teach my children to embrace God’s view of babies and motherhood and pray that someday, they, too, will accept with joy God’s calling to be parents.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

What a precious story! God is so good and our children are gifts and so is motherhood! I have a somewhat similar story of trying for several years...then we adopted. Only after making peace with the thought of not "creating" kids from our bodies. We adopted in January of 2005 and in March of 2005 I found out I was pregnant. So I had two babies in 2005 and I knew that God always has the BEST plan b/c if I had been pregnant first I might not have been given the gift of being Joshua's (the son who we adopted) mother. In 2008 I had my third boy and I am ready for whatever God has planned next. I know he knows exactly who will be in my family and when and how they will arrive! I have enjoyed looking over your posts! May God bless you and yours!