Too Small Shoes

Have you ever had the misfortune of a pair of shoes that just doesn’t fit? They pinch, they poke, they rub in all the wrong places. You may like the way they look with that certain outfit, but somehow, they just don’t feel right. No matter how many times you wear them, hoping to “break them in”, they just never acquire that feeling of comfort that makes them a favorite. Lately, I’ve been feeling this way…but it has nothing to do with shoes.

Right now it seems that no matter which way I turn, something is chafing at my spirit. I’ve been facing conflict in relationships, health problems for me and my family, and just plain feeling like I don’t belong. The more I come to know what God wants for me and my family, the stronger that feeling becomes. The more convicted we become about how to raise our children (differently from what the world views as “normal”), the more “flack” we take from others. The firmer the stand we take, the more people want to convince us that we are wrong. We make choices that apply only to our family, yet suddenly we’re viewed as “judgmental” by outsiders. We’re accused of things we haven’t done, blamed for things that are not our doing. And suddenly I feel far less comfortable in this world I live in than ever before.

I’ve been pondering this quite a bit…why does the world seem so much stranger to me now? Why do I feel like an outsider in settings that were previously very comfortable? I’ve come to a conclusion…these shoes no longer fit, nor are they supposed to fit. As Jesus said in John 15:9, “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” I am not supposed to be comfortable here because this is NOT my home. And the more I grow to understand and reflect the Father’s heart, the less comfortable I will be and quite possibly, the more I will suffer. As I watch my children grow spiritually, I will also watch them suffer the injustice and cruelty of this world…and that hurts even more. My comfort lies in knowing that they are in God’s loving hands, and that He is preparing them for something that matters much more than anything they can find in this world. He is molding and shaping them to be ready for their eternal home in heaven. And there, we will finally feel at home.

Living here on earth is like having your feet crammed into too small shoes. You begin to ache for the moment you can shed that painful footwear and bask in the pleasure of running barefoot through the grass. Ah, what a wonderful feeling that will be.