Far Enough Ahead

The calendar page is barely turned, and already it seems this is shaping up to be a hard year for a lot of people. In the last few days, we have had friends experience the death of a loved one, the loss of a beloved pet, terrible illness and hospitalization, health scares, worry about finances and losing their home and many other difficult circumstances. Our family prayer time has grown longer each night as we try to cover all those we love in prayer, asking God’s mercies and comfort on each of them.

Quite honestly, this time of year is one I often face with dread. Although I tend much more toward the optimistic side and rarely feel truly depressed, the months between January and March are ones that can be a struggle for me. It seems that most of the really hard things that have happened in my life have fallen in or around these months. There have been loved ones lost, injuries and illness experienced, and disappointments faced. My first experience with death (the loss of my beloved grandfather during my high school years) happened in March. My adored grandmother died two years ago this month. We lost my husband’s little brother to a brain tumor at age 21 in January six years ago. Two years ago, in the midst of losing my grandmother and deciding to move our family to Kansas, I fell and broke my tailbone…twice in two weeks. Even my much-loved dog was put to sleep in January many years ago. I think you get the picture. On top of all this, I was made for tropical climates. I put on layers starting about October and don’t thaw out until June. I despise cold weather and live for those sunny Colorado days we are blessed with in the midst of winter.

So, now that I’ve depressed you, where am I going with this? First, let me tell you a story, shared by our minister a few months ago. It is about a little boy, anxiously anticipating a day of fishing with his father, only to wake that morning to a terrible rainstorm. While his father tried to explain to the boy how desperately they needed this rain, and that there would be other days to fish, the boy grumbled and complained throughout the day. Later that afternoon, the sun broke through and the rain ceased. There was still plenty of time to fish, so the boy and his father headed out to the stream. After the rain, the fish were biting unusually well and they came home with a huge string of fish. When the boy offered the prayer at supper that evening, he told God, “I’m sorry if I sounded grumpy earlier today…I just couldn’t see far enough ahead.”

I loved that story when I heard it…how profound. If he had known the rain would cease, he would have enjoyed the day instead of grumbling. How often do we spend our days complaining, only because we can’t see far enough ahead? If I had known that God would heal my mom’s cancer, would I have spent so much time grieving and worrying and being angry? If I had known we wouldn’t end up moving to Kansas after all, would I have wasted so much time being miserable? If I had known that homeschooling would dramatically change our family for the better, would it have been such a difficult decision to start?

Ah, the famous what-ifs. We can never see what lies ahead, but we do have an advantage. We serve the God who knows every what-if, who sees every moment of our future. He has carefully planned our lives and knows exactly what lies ahead, and gives us exactly what we need in order to endure every trial that comes our way. He promises that at the end of that road lies the end to all suffering, the reward for all our seeking after Him. He knows exactly how each moment of suffering refines our character to be more like His. And even better…He loves us with an unfailing love and wants only the best for our lives. If we can cling to these promises, we can face the future with the confidence of the psalmist who penned “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.” (Psalm 112:7) So, if, like me, you are having a “grumpy” spell, rest easy. After all, GOD can see “far enough ahead”, even if we can’t.

My Miracle

Fifteen years ago today, I experienced a miracle. After a month of bed rest, weeks of dangerously high blood pressure, and 21 long hours of intense labor (without pain medication), our first child was born. I held her in my arms and studied each little finger and toe, filled with awe at the answer to our prayers. My whole life, I knew I wanted nothing more than to be a mommy, yet that didn’t come easily to me. As the months went by, bringing many anguished tears and desperate prayers, despair filled my heart. Questions tormented me, wondering what my life would hold if I could not be a mother. Thoughtless words spoken in jest by people cut me to the heart every Sunday at church, as one after another asked me why we weren’t having any babies, when my brother and his wife already had two. Finally, the joyful news was given to us that we would indeed…finally…be parents. I think it took days to really sink in and accept that motherhood really was in my future, that God had chosen to bless us with a child.

Just about the time that I grew used to the idea, miscarriage threatened. I couldn’t believe God would let us finally conceive, only to take this child from us. Again, desperate prayers and tears were sent up to heaven. Again, God listened and spared our precious child. After a rocky pregnancy, and a miserable labor, Molly Michele joined our family. I am still filled with an incredible joy when I remember that day, and remember what it felt like to finally hold in my arms the desire of my heart. She was so tiny, and perfect as she looked up at me with eyes full of trust. Alan and I looked at each other as we got ready to take her home from the hospital, thinking, “That’s it? Now we’re supposed to know what to do?” I remember a few days after she was born, I was sitting on the couch holding Molly and talking to my mother when the emotions (and the after-birth hormones!) overwhelmed me. I began weeping and looked at my mother and said with awe, “You really love me, don’t you?” I suddenly understood that mysterious thing called mother-love. She just smiled patiently at me and dried my tears, as she has done for so many years.

And now, seemingly in the blink of an eye, my baby is fifteen and a lovely young lady. I am still in awe of the miracle that has made me her mother, and I delight in watching who she is becoming. When I look at her, I see something beautiful…Jesus, shining in her eyes and in her life. She loves her Lord and follows him unashamedly. I have seen her stand up for her faith, unwavering in her beliefs. At an age where so many young girls are consumed with boys or makeup or texting on their cell phones, I see a quiet maturity. She is comfortable in her own skin, preferring dresses to blue jeans and anything vintage to modern. She cares deeply about the hurting and the lost, and it wounds her to see the world’s expectations of a teen. She refuses to lower her standards in order to fit in, and is resigned to being different than the average teen (see her blog at http://www.molly-nyat.blogspot.com/). When I see her solid convictions and faith, I am filled with joy.

Molly also makes me laugh. For such a serious girl, she has a remarkable sense of humor. While those who don’t know her well would be surprised to hear this (very few people see this side of her), she is one of the funniest people I know. She knows just what to do to make me laugh on a gloomy day, and I absolutely love spending time with her. She may seem quiet and reserved on the outside, but she inherited her father’s sense of humor!

When Molly was a little girl, people often commented that she never walked anywhere…she danced. We joked that she came out dancing! She dreamed of being a ballerina from the time she was barely walking, and I’ve watched her work with determination to reach her goal. This year, she auditioned and was accepted to dance en pointe, fulfilling her dream. When I watch her dance, she absolutely takes my breath away. Watching my precious girl express herself through ballet is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I am convinced that God created this girl to dance.

The biggest reason I wanted to have a daughter someday was so I could carry on the kind of relationship with her that I have always had with my sweet mother. Now that Molly is older, I am experiencing the delightful fruit of that relationship. She is someone I am proud to know, blessed to love, and honored to call my friend. Happy 15th Birthday, sweetheart. I love you and thank God for the privilege of being your mom. Keep dancing, stand strong, and know that I will always love you.


The Dancer

…written for Molly on her 13th birthday, with love from Mom


It doesn’t matter if anyone’s watching,
She dances not for praise
She spins and twirls and bows her head
As the beautiful music plays.

Her hands are clasped in worship
Adoration’s on her face
Her feet have wings to make her fly
Up to a holy place.

This dancer knows the One who sees
Is the Lover of her soul
He gave her life, love, joy and peace
His blood has made her whole.

So now she dances, full of grace
For this One her soul does praise
She’ll bring Him joy with the gift of her heart
As she worships Him all of her days.

Choose This Day

Every year seems to fly by faster and faster. Here we are once again, beginning a new year and setting new goals and commitments, and it feels like just yesterday that we were beginning 2008. New Year’s always feels like a time of reflection to me, considering the past months and their ups and downs and looking to the future months and what I wish to change.

This morning, I was reading in I Kings 18 about Elijah and the prophets of Baal and one verse in particular really stood out to me. In verse 21, Elijah challenges the people of Israel by saying, "How long are you going to sit on the fence? If God is the real God, follow him; if it's Baal, follow him. Make up your minds!" The Israelites were wavering in their faith in the one true God, and turning to follow Baal, a foreign god. A test ensued, where the God of Israel put to shame the prophets and followers of Baal, proving in a dramatic way that there is only one God. (You can read the story in I Kings 18.) The people were overcome, and fell on their faces in worship, shouting, “God is the true God!” Their hearts returned to following the Lord (at least for awhile!) and they realized that they had to make a choice.

What does this have to do with New Year’s Day, you ask? In one word…everything. I believe God is calling us to make this same choice, today. We are so conflicted between following the Lord and being part of this world we live in. I see so many examples of this every single day, in our parenting, our choices, and the way we live our daily lives. We sit around and complain about the state of the world and how hard it is to raise our children to follow God, yet we participate in the very things that we claim to despise. We refuse to stand up and be different, to say “No” to ungodliness in its many forms, and to proclaim that we choose to follow Jesus.

This Christmas, I was blessed to have my entire family at my house for Christmas. I was watching my children and their two cousins, who are all devoted to the Lord. I was thinking about how we have more than replaced ourselves (the four parents) with a generation who loves God and desires to serve Him, and wondering what the next generation will be like. What would change in our world if we parents declared our total commitment to following God and raised our children to do the same? What if we jumped off the fence we straddle (between God and the world) and refused to be drawn in to our culture? What if we refused to participate in entertainment that profanes our Lord and instead spent that time training our children in righteousness? What if we took back our children’s education and taught them not only reading and arithmetic, but God’s word and holy living?

We seem to give up so easily and be drawn into this world that we reside in, but don’t belong to. We need to take courage and stand firm, knowing that the rewards we reap for following God wholeheartedly will far outweigh the cost. My prayer for 2009 is that my family will choose, today, to serve the Lord, to dare to be different (even if others mock us for that choice) and to step firmly down from that fence and walk assuredly toward the path that leads to life everlasting. As Joshua said, "Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:14-15

My Favorite Day of the Year

Christmas Eve is my absolute favorite day of the year. From childhood, I have absolutely loved Christmas, and Christmas Eve is my favorite part of the celebration. As a little girl, I loved the anticipation…the going to bed (usually on my cot at Grandma’s house), not being able to sleep because I was so excited, and listening for the tiny clatter of hooves on the roof. When my children came along, that anticipation was revived. My husband thinks I am the biggest kid of all on Christmas Eve. Now, I love the anticipation of celebrating Jesus’ birth and contemplating His return. I love the days leading up to Christmas, as we celebrate Advent as a family. I love the choosing and wrapping of gifts for the people I love, and the traditions that we hold dear in our house. But what I really love…is Christmas Eve.

If you know me, you know that I am a dyed-in-the-wool traditionalist. I want to celebrate birthdays on the exact day. I want to bake the same kinds of cookies every Christmas. I want to have special activities that we participate in as a family that don’t vary much from year to year. Each of the traditions that we hold for Christmas have been lovingly and carefully chosen, some continuing from my childhood and some added as we became parents with children of our own. All of them mean something to me, from the most insignificant to the most important. Christmas Eve at our house is filled with tradition…and that is probably why it is my favorite day of the year.

Christmas Eve at our house starts with a smorgasbord of appetizer-type foods, and lots and lots of cookies. This tradition came from my grandparents, who celebrated their wedding anniversary on Christmas Eve by fixing a big spread of such foods, and inviting their dearest friends and family. Growing up, we did this in our home, even in the years we couldn’t travel to be with my beloved grandparents. My children now expect this, and talk for weeks of the upcoming foods (most of which are enjoyed only at Christmas). It’s not fancy, but it’s full of memories and loving preparation. As my grandparents did, we often invite other people to join us, usually people who need a place to feel at home for the holidays, or are feeling alone.

We continue with the reading of the birth of Jesus, often acted out by our children in full costume (dish towels make great shepherd headpieces!). We sing carols, we light our final Advent candle, and we think about the greatest gift ever given. We celebrate the baby, sent to Earth for us, and we pray for His return.

Our favorite tradition is how we celebrate Jesus’ birthday. Every year, we each decide what gift we personally will give to Jesus for the coming year. It might be something we want to do for Jesus, or something we want to change for Him. Even the youngest child in our family will think of something they can give to Jesus, such as sharing their toys with their siblings. We then write this gift on a card and wrap them in a box with a big bow and place it under the tree. Every Christmas Eve, we open the box from the year before and share what our gift was and how God used it in the past year. Then we place our new gift in the box and tie it up once more. Each person is then given a helium-filled balloon and a magic marker, to decorate with symbols or to write something to represent the gift we have chosen. When we are all finished, we go outside underneath the stars, sing “Happy Birthday to Jesus” and release our balloons to heaven. I’m sure our neighbors have often thought we were crazy, but we don’t care--we are celebrating our Lord. And what could be a better Christmas present than that?

Feel free to leave a comment sharing your family's favorite Christmas tradition...

Christmas With Jesus

There is a shadow of grief on Christmas this year. One of my best friends is losing her husband to ALS and my heart aches as I watch her family suffer. It won’t be long now…his kidneys are failing, he’s on morphine for the pain, and his time is running out. My friend is hurting, agonizing over her husband’s suffering, yet agonizing over his leaving as well. She loves him too much to wish his suffering to go on, yet the parting is tearing her apart. She knows that this isn’t the end and that she will be with him again someday, but someday seems so far away.

In the midst of the pain, I think of Christmas. I think of the agony God must have suffered when He decided to send His beloved, only Son down to earth to save a people who would mock him, revile him, crucify him. While the angels were rejoicing at Jesus’ birth, while the shepherds were overcome with joy at the good news, while the wise men journeyed many miles to find this special baby, God was weeping. He knew very well what would become of His precious Son. He knew we would reject him, beat him, and hang him on a cross. He knew there would be a time of separation, followed by a sweet reunion in heaven.

Paul will soon be with his Lord. He will be greeted with joy and with love by the Father who created him and has walked with him through this terrible suffering. Paul will cast off his wheelchair, his pain and his sorrow and walk beside Jesus on streets of gold. He will, at long last, be where he belongs. He will celebrate this Christmas, for the first time, with the One who made it all possible. While we are weeping, and mourning for his loss, he will be experiencing things we can only imagine. While we are celebrating Christmas and longing for the return of Jesus, Paul will be celebrating Christmas with Jesus. And some day, we will get to be there, too, and Paul will be waiting to welcome us home.

I don’t know why terrible things like ALS have to happen, especially to good people like my friend, but I do know that God isn’t absent in all this. He knows our pain, because He experienced it, too, voluntarily. He did this so we could have a home in heaven with him, so we could have peace, and hope, and joy. He is not absent in my friend’s life; He is there with her, sustaining her every day, giving her the strength to face each day and its challenges. He is there, holding her six children in the palm of His hand, storing up every tear that they cry and promising to be their Father. And He will be there, waiting to welcome Paul home as he breathes his last breath. Merry Christmas, Paul…it’s going to be your first REAL Christmas.

“First time to hear the angels sing,
Glory Hallelujah to the Risen King,
and a holy night is what this is,
for this is my first Christmas…”

from “My First Christmas” words and music by Carolyn Arends (c.2000).


A few hours ago, Paul was taken to heaven to meet his Saviour. For him, there is no more suffering or pain or sickness. Please pray for his family during this painful time.

Where Christmas is Found

I have had many opportunities this last week to observe people as they go about their rituals, getting ready for Christmas. Christmas in America has become a crazy merry-go-round of activity, rushing from store to store and from party to party, standing in long lines at the post office to mail gifts to family and friends far away, and participating in children’s programs, plays and dance recitals. This year has been a small oasis of peace for our family, without all the usual activities of Christmases past. My oldest daughter has graduated out of her choir, reducing the number of Christmas activities for us this year. Our dance studio elected to take this Christmas off, giving us three weeks of no dance classes, and no recital this month. While a part of me is disappointed, as I enjoyed all the concerts and recitals and watching my children perform, another part of me is basking in the slower pace this season.

I started my shopping early this year and have finished up well before Christmas. As I went out today to buy my last gifts, I remembered why I like to shop early—there were people everywhere, grabbing and buying and loudly debating if they had to purchase a gift for so-and-so, and if so, what should that gift be. I heard lots of “oughts” and “shoulds” and saw very little joy on people’s faces as they contemplated those people who should mean the most to them. I heard people worrying about money, and how they would pay for what they were purchasing. I saw teenagers spending hundreds of dollars…on themselves, and rejoicing over the great “stuff” they were getting. I saw men buying bigger and better light displays, presumably to one-up the neighbors. I saw cranky children, pointing and whining, “I want THAT for Christmas”.

Truly, it made me sad. I thought to myself, “This is not Christmas.” I don’t believe that Christmas will be found in crowded shopping malls, busy concerts or elaborate light displays. I don’t believe it will be found in fulfilled wish lists, overstuffed plates or hectic parties. But have I seen Christmas this year? Oh yes, indeed I have.

I saw Christmas today as I went to visit my friend who is patiently caring for her husband, who is suffering with ALS. She cares for all his physical needs (which are not insignificant, being that he is on a ventilator now), patiently sits with him and deciphers his difficult speech, sleeps and eats little, and still finds time and energy to love on her six children.

I saw Christmas the other day when I was listening in on my children playing upstairs and heard my youngest ask her older brother if she could borrow one of his video games. The usual reply is “not right now”, and it caught my ear when I heard, “of course you can…you can use them anytime you want.” My heart smiled as I witnessed the spirit of Christmas invading my home.

I see Christmas every night as my family gathers around our Advent wreath to spend a few moments reflecting on the gift given to us at Christmas by our Heavenly Father. I see it in the wonder on my children’s faces, the sweetness of their prayers, the joy in my heart as we read the Scriptures foretelling Jesus’ birth.

Christmas is found in the most unlikely places. It won’t be found in frenzied shopping malls, harried schedules and raucous parties. It is found in the humblest of circumstances, the most hopeless of situations, and the darkest of nights. Where pain and suffering live, that is where Christmas can be found. Jesus came to bring hope to the hopeless and healing to the hurting. He is right there beside my friend, holding her hand as she holds her husband’s. He is with my children as they learn about the true meaning of Christmas and as their hearts fill with anticipation for the celebration of Jesus’ birth. He is with each of us, no matter our circumstances, as we enter this most holy of seasons…we only have to slow down, open our hearts and witness the miracle of Christmas.

Christmas is for You

Last year, as we entered the busy ten days before Christmas, I recorded what our family calendar included: 2 choir concerts, 1 church rehearsal & program, 2 parties, 3 dance rehearsals, 2 days of dance recitals, not to mention the activities of normal daily life (teaching, cleaning, shopping, etc.). In talking with others, this seems to be the norm, not the exception. December has become such a busy time for most people that it seems to have become impossible to focus on what is truly important and why we celebrate Christmas. It often becomes so busy, noisy, and stressful that the beauty of what we celebrate goes unnoticed. So, fix yourself a cup of tea and join me for a few minutes as we contemplate the true meaning of Christmas.

Do you ever look at others and think, “Well, sure, they can feel all those Christmasy things like peace and joy, but they don’t have MY life. I don’t have time to breathe, let alone contemplate the deep meaning of Christmas!” Or, “My life feels so hopeless right now, how could I possibly feel joy or peace?” If you are feeling any of these things this year, then I’m here to tell you that Christmas is for you.

Think about the Jews living in Jerusalem or Bethlehem 2000 years ago. They were living under Roman rule, subject to unjust laws and taxes and oppression. They were desperately looking for a Messiah to come and rescue them. They were also living in a period of silence. It had been 400 years since a prophet had spoken to them, telling them of a long-anticipated Saviour. Yet still they hoped, believing He would someday come and rescue them. They were expecting a king to come and save them from their misery and hopelessness. They held on to the words of their prophets and put their hope in a Messiah that they earnestly prayed would come soon.

Then one night, a tiny baby is born in the city of Bethlehem, fulfilling all those prophecies of long ago. Into the midst of their darkness came a bright light, keeping God’s promise to His people. Although their Messiah did not come in the way they thought he should (as a conquering king), God fulfilled all their hopes through this baby who would grow up to die on a cross for their sins, bringing them the hope of forgiveness and eternal life.

This baby not only brought the people hope, but joy. In Luke chapter 1, an angel comes to a young woman named Mary, telling her that she will bear a child, conceived by the Holy Spirit. She is an unmarried woman, betrothed to a man named Joseph. In those times, unmarried women who became pregnant were subject to being stoned to death for their sin. How do you think Mary felt? She had to have been incredibly frightened! She was very young, yet she responded with incredible faith and trust in her God, replying with some of the most beautiful words in Scripture, “I am the Lord's servant.” When she visits her relative, Elizabeth, the baby Elizabeth is carrying leaps for joy in her womb at the presence of his Saviour. Mary responds with an amazing song of praise and trust (Luke 1). Now, I don’t know about you, but I would probably not have responded in this way to the news that I was to bear a child, though a virgin! I think I would have been overcome with anxiety over what my people would do to me or think of me. Yet through all this, God gives Mary peace.

This Christmas, do you need joy, or hope, or peace? The good news is this: Jesus came not only to bring these things to the Jews of long ago, but to you today, in whatever circumstances you are facing. He came to earth as an infant, giving up his rightful place in heaven with His father to come just for YOU. He wants you to come to His stable this Christmas and find him, worship Him and let him give you HOPE of a future in heaven with him. He wants to take your burdens and give you peace in exchange, the kind of peace that makes no sense to us, but is very real indeed. He wants to bring you joy in the midst of difficult circumstances, joy in knowing that you belong to Him and that He loves you beyond measure and that He is coming back to take you home with Him. He wants you to celebrate this Advent season by looking not only to the past and His coming to a stable in Bethlehem, but also to the future, and to long for His coming back and to pray for His return. This year, Christmas is for you.